It just isn't there...for some of us

The holiday spirit, that is.

You know about the last six weeks of every calendar year...the so-called holiday season.

The season to be jolly.

If you're jolly right now, that's fine. If you don't feel any jollity at the moment, that's all right. And if you're someplace in the middle, it's okay.

I grew up in an alcoholic household...a house of constant faultfinding, constant shaming, and constant belittling. (Hint: I turned 18 years old on 11-11-1973.) Mom was the alcoholic...and she, more often than not, battled her sisters (my maternal aunts). And that wasn't when Mom battled my maternal grandmother.

The battles were tiresome to hear (let alone watch)...and I wanted to hide instead of getting involved. Just wanted the fighting to end, once and for all.

One such confrontation happened in December 1974...and it was between Mom and one of my maternal aunts. It eventually got to the point where Mom demanded I take sides: "As the man of the house..."

I just wanted to be alone.

Memories of these feuds, plus taking a look at how the accent this time of year is on the corporate side of things (after all, QuickBooks said that holiday spending accounts for about 47% of American small businesses' annual revenue...and the National Retail Foundation predicts Americans will spend an unprecedented $1 trillion here in the 2025 cycle), have caused me to feel that this time of year isn't so wonderful.

Instead, to me, it's the most critical/crucial/pressure-filled time of the year.

And I didn't even mention the antics that have taken place in Washington, DC ever since 1-20-2025...or the pressure I feel I'm on ever since two people asked me to launch GoFundMe projects in these two people's names.

I know...them's fightin' words (especially to Edward Pola's and George Wyle's survivors). And writing this post might end up stepping on way too many toes.

All my life, I've been asked- told- to exhibit feelings that aren't real to me (especially during the last six weeks of each year).

I JUST WANT TO BE REAL WITH MY FEELINGS.

Well, it's time for me to get off this soapbox...time for me to hear from you. And here's hoping you're in a safe place to express your REAL feelings...all year long.